I believe the headline pretty much says it all, but I’ll expand on the issue to make it crystal clear. First, lets understand what we’re talking about here. Microsoft offers a simple service in Windows called Windows Update which determines what recently released patches your computer is missing from the bazillion or so security holes Windows has and installs them. Microsoft breaks these up into three primary groups: Optional Hardware, Optional Software, and High Priority (they really break it up even more, but I won’t go into those details here).

High Priority updates are important and critical to the safe and hacker-free operation of your computer (you could always buy a Mac instead, The Ultimate Windows Update) but they are generally patches, updates, roll-ups, and service packs to the Swiss Cheese called Windows. Here sits Microsoft, mad in its culottes and penny loafers and friendless in the corner while super popular Firefox gets all the chicks, attracted by its shiny leather and far-less-dangerous streak. Microsoft wants more browser market share, and it can’t win it by just being Microsoft.

Some engineer sitting in a meeting with some blathering imbecile yammering on about clean code and market valuation falls into a shallow snooze and instantly falls onto the idea of how to force IE8 into popularity. It has to be a mandatory install! Take advantage of the fact that everyone knows that IE is a sieve and make that the reason why you NEED to upgrade to IE8 and start taking market share back from that nasty Firefox-eses. Internet Exploiter 8 gets notched up from pimply wallflower Software, Optional to swanky, swinging High Priority and people who typically just let Windows install whatever the hell it wants are now proud (read: unsuspecting) owners of a shiny new Internet Exploder 8 installation.

yipee.

All of a sudden, all of my IT pals are screaming bloody murder because now they have to go and clean up after Microsoft’s dookie on the neighbors lawn because users are now unable to use their web-based applications to run their business. Wow! I know from years of experience that Microsoft simply chooses not to listen to its customers, but this is ridiculous.Now, if you pop open the description of the software, you are given the option to hide it, but if you do so (now) Windows Update will pester the living crap out of you until you give in and install it just to stop the cacophony. In this insanity, however, I have found a cure!

Yes, a cure.

I can cure the Sinternet Exblobber 8 fail which has infested your machine before it even happens. I have found out how the patch works because Microsoft is still obliged to abide by certain rules of the court in relation to their anti-trust litigation issues back some years. If you select the option to install IE8 in the High Priority set, Microsoft STILL HAS TO ASK PERMISSION TO INSTALL THE SOFTWARE ON THE DESKTOP! Yeah. In know. The all caps look is really bad, but I want this point to carry. When Windows Update gets to the installation of IE8 (or IE7 now, as well) it asks you one more time if you really, really want to install it.

All you have to do allow IE8 to be included in the installation set. As soon as the badly colored dialog appears asking if you really want to install it, just click:

DO NOT INSTALL

That’s it. Lets the rest of the updates finish and reboot. When you run Windows Update again (because you have to) you will see that IE8 has conveniently moved from High Priority back down to Optional, Software where it belongs, and if you then choose to hide it, it won’t pester you any more. That’s right. The nightmare is now ever. The silly thing is that Microsoft has set it up so that Splinternut Exploder 7 comes in right after it, but all you have to do is repeat the process and IE7 will be gone, too.

For those of you already using Firefox, Safari, or Opera, I applaud you. You have made a lasting and significant contribution to the betterment of your life and the lives of those around you. Internet Explorer is an unsafe, unusable, unacceptable piece of software which blatantly defies software standards which have long been in place and provides far too many exploitable holes to the public network. This is not smart. Using another browser is not only possible, but very, very desirable.

Unless you like having your computer broken into, used to re-deliver spam, become useless, or redirect you to porn sites. Who am I to say! You might like that sort of thing!

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